there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
