Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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