Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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