We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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