The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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