probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
