Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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