are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
