Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
