No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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