You work out of a Hotel?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
