Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
