you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
