would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
