Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
