you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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