i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
