sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there's paper in my vomit.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
