and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
