So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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