Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
