After last night, I could never be a politician.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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