We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
