i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
