I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
