It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
