I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
