Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
