Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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