It's like God shit irony all over that family
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
