Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
FUCK WHALES
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
