The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
