is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
