I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
