All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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