Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
