Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
