the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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