I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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