She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
