if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
