my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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