I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
