If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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