I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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