By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
