I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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