If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize