u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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