i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
