Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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