I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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