She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
