So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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