Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
