DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize