I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
