Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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