Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
