I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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