This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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