I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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