He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
