Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
