he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
