jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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