His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
