his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
