New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
