wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize