So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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