He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
