I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
where does the pee come out of this thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
