oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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