so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
