i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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