allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
