i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
