dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
whose ass print is on the piano?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
