I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
