in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
