Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
