I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize