Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
